Being a Better Partner: Understanding Love Languages
Generally speaking, I find personal surveys, quizzes, and any other forums that use broad language that most people can identify with to describe 'who they are' silly. But that doesn't stop me from reading up on all there is to know about my INFJ-A personality type. Because personal surveys, quizzes, and other forums are fun!
One quiz that I've reflected on (since I got Andrew to take it with me) is the Love Language Quiz. Based on the novel The 5 Love Languages, the quiz is a series of paired statements, each statement tied to one of five love languages—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. For each pair, you choose "the statement that captures the essence of what is most meaningful to you, the majority of the time." The results, and their order, reflect primary and secondary love languages, and, in some cases, ones in which you're 'bilingual.'
Everything about this reads as silly, right? I'm cringing as I type it. But what caused me to reflect on this particular quiz is that your results indicate both how you communicate and interpret love, that is, how you give and receive it. And it's important to me to understand and act on the ways in which Andrew and I differ.
our love languages
Quality time (11)
Acts of service (!0)
Receiving gifts (4)
Physical touch (3)
Words of affirmation (2)
Words of affirmation (10)
Quality time / Physical touch (8)
Acts of service (3)
Receiving gifts (1)
The most obvious point is that words of affirmation and physical touch are the top two of Andrew's list and the bottom two of mine. This is important to me to understand because I may not appreciate enough when Andrew communicates in these ways and I may not communicate in the ways that are most meaningful to him. We are quite communicative in all of these languages, but giving more love and in the ways that are most meaningful is always a good thing.
I focused on my results in the context of a romantic relationship, but I could have used them to guide my relationships with my family and friends or to simply gain an understanding of myself—whatever your context, and even just for fun, you can take the quiz here.
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